By: Trevor Bayliss, MD

You’ve received a cancer diagnosis, or maybe your loved one has (the impact is no less powerful). I won’t pretend to understand what you’re feeling. There are countless emotions experienced and many are cycled through multiple times in different combinations. Anger is appropriate. Sadness, of course. I felt these in 1995 when my diagnosis was given via telephone, through my mother, as I was sitting on her couch. These, along with countless other emotions, were chaotically stirred around for weeks, months… Heck, they still surface from time to time.

What really matters is where your mindset is as the dust settles. I would argue that where you want to be is looking squarely at the journey ahead. But in those early days it can feel more like looking into an abyss. It is hard to tell another how to reach that mindset to take on a daunting journey. The late George Sheehan, cardiologist / philosopher / runner wrote, “Men and women are here to do heroic deeds.” He would argue that these deeds arise even in simple, everyday life, but certainly there are few other instances that will require more heroism than the cancer journey.

So is it a hero’s mindset? That sounds a little daunting. Most literary heroes don’t think of themselves that way. They are pulled into their journey often quite reluctantly. Think of Luke Skywalker. And let’s not forget that virtually every hero had help, sometimes lots of help, a guide, or several guides. To finish the analogy, think of Yoda, Obi Wan Kenobi. Okay, enough star wars. You’re not gearing up to take on the Darth Vader, but you are preparing to be the hero of your own journey.

How do I gear up to be a hero? It sounds crazy when I say it that way. But try considering each of the following questions.

1) Where do you want to be at the end of the Journey? Of course cancer free, minimal side effects from treatment. But what else? What if you could come out even stronger than when you entered? What would that look like? In what ways would you be stronger?

2) Who are your guides? Your oncologist is an obvious answer. Maybe you need a second opinion to strengthen you confidence in the path. Utilize the vast knowledge of the oncology nurses you come in contact with. Maybe you have a friend that has been down this path. Of course, always remember every journey is unique and everyone’s desire to given their 2 cents is different. But a trusted friend who has “been there” and can give some guidance could be a big help.

3) Who is your support system? This is the time to cultivate it. Which family and friends will be your support? Having done this as a “tough” 19 year old kid, I can tell you… you can’t do this alone. My experience forced me to open up. I had to learn to ask for help, which was initially a painful thing to do. My family relationships grew stronger and these stronger connections continued long after. You may be in a position of needing to keep your diagnosis under wraps. But if faced with a choice my recommendation is to share. If you live in a small town like me, everyone will know anyway! Also, remember, that family and friends often don’t know what to say. They need you to start the conversation. You will likely be surprised by the love and support that comes your way.

So this is what I mean when I say the “hero’s mindset.” For those who have read Carol Dweck’s work, this would fit into the growth mindset. All emotions are welcome here. It is a space where we step forward humbly, asking for help, building support, open to the possibility that we could discover strength and powers we never knew we had. For me entering the journey was more of a simple fact that I had no choice. The disease was in my body, there was no looking back. Each step was taken with blind corners ahead, but there was no other direction to go. The hero’s mindset grew as went. Each time I tried to turn around my mom, my brother, my oncologist, one of my nurses was there at the right time to gently keep me on course.